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15 May 2000
Why is the sky blue?

Why is the sky blue?
S. M., Pennsylvania

Dear S,
I understand you have finally come to the point that all great minds do. You have transcended the mundane contemplation of things such as "How can I correct suburban sprawl?" in favor of the most essential question of why the sky is blue. Congratulations!

The reason is simple - flatulence. The gaseous fumes emitted by this bodily function contain virtually the same properties of other natural gases. Due to these similarities, this seemingly innocuous gas is in actuality quite volatile. The potential for combustion of the fumes (aka "flaming fart") is high, and is easily executed by means of holding the flame source (e.g. lighter) in close proximity to the anal cavity and emitting a short "poot". With the ignition of this gas, a cloud of flame results and beautiful colors within the flame can be observed.

We all know that flames thrive on oxygen. This enables the beautiful colors seen in the gaseous explosion known as the flaming fart. Yet our environment is so polluted that the flames do not thrive; and dwindle into a weak blue spark. This fledgling flame is preserved by the same polluted sky that extinguished the greater part of the flame. Therefore, the massive amounts of flaming farts - 75,000 - emitted every day are responsible for the bluish color you observe in the sky. May the gas be with you!

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